Just got my first short story published and I have to say that it's incredibly exciting! I'm very proud to have been picked up by this publication and hope everyone enjoys my work, as well as the works of the other fantastic authors.
http://fantasyscrollmag.com/article/the-gunman-on-the-wall-aleksander-volkmar/
Aleksander Volkmar
A maddening descent into the worlds that can be created from prose, poetry, and occasional procrastination.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Dragged Along, Dragged Away
The
ticking keeps beat,
Every
hour, every day,
A
mark of its past,
Prelude
to futures
Of
infinite directions
Spiraling
to a single point.
There
are branches along the way,
They
are blocked.
There
are deviations in the path,
They
are blocked.
There
is a single path in the road
Bearing
straight towards the horizon.
It
has been forgotten.
Where
are all those uncounted
Moments
never forged, never sung,
Never
born? No gravestone for
The
lost. How could
Those
have a marker?
It
lumbers forward,
We
follow.
It
does not falter,
We
follow.
A
momentary glance back
The
ticking cannot accept,
And
drags, kicking and
Screaming,
its host along
The path is has
marked ahead.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
The Unknowable
Here, deep below. Here,
I wait. Wait, how long? Long. Good, for the best. The worst will soon come for
what has yet to fall. Use your imagination. Not mad enough I see. Not yet
anyways. Just wait, with me, until the stars open wide. Then you will see it, madness
that is. All I have ever seen with wretched drowned eyes. Your eyes, what they
see are blind. Better, wouldn’t you say? Perception has no place here.
Everything sunken so very deep. I wonder of the how and the why and the when,
the cosmic churning moving meticulously toward this destination or the chaotic
scramble to see where each player fits.
Undoubtedly
the world moves as I am immovable, and with it the sky brightened by stars
heralding a shadow still as my own, until the lights line in perfect symmetry
to tunnel the vast emptiness towards this precise place and time. Lifetimes die
away, once and soon to be mine, one after another. The time of life. How long a
life will exist, can exist, has existed. Life begins, for certain, and dies,
with more certainty for you at least. Begins in the seething blackness that
pulses with dumb hatred and unseeing rage. There you see the first madness.
Silence still echoes with the sound. And it dies. Dies how? Such a strange
idea. Life needs an end as time needs end. A tick and it starts, a tock and it
ends. The things I hear as the aeons grow stranger and stranger.
And
madness endures. Crafted into stone black as the emptiness between worlds where
no life can exist. Only us, bearing shapes and figures small minds can only
dread to envision, the fearsome depths pressing down like massive fists in vain
attempts to destroy what cannot be destroyed. Trapped in nightmares of dreamers,
in abominations of creators, in the nothing of thinkers. For them, a glimpse
away to the smallest sliver of the unknowable. And still it is too much.
Fractions of angles warped and contorted beyond reaches crafted under rules of
law construct their new reality. Real is seeing mine obscured by yours, a
shallow reasoning of the pits of madness hidden only by my absence. Still, as I
have made sacred fear my favorite treasure, those who don’t know anything can
intervene. Lost within the despair of hope, inversely for myself in accordance
to the spoken words left unspoken under those waves of aging time, dwelling in
the middle between the beginning and end. This I have said before. It is all
there is, for there is nothing else that is now. Only what came before the now
will rise to malignant majesty, sweeping what was born amidst death away to
ashes. A fire, flames reaching to scorch the sky. No fire burns here. Far too
far below the city sleeps. Leave the light off, I whisper to the sea seeing all
of darkness around me. A fragrance of home almost terrible enough to believe
its clarity, but I know the worst better than most. Have you seen the thousand
forms of Nyarlathotep crawling across our once domain in faceless guises? Or the
immense rounded mass, writhing of pale, thin legs and seeing from countless
eyes, of the pale beast, god of the labyrinth? The worm sprouting towers of
jagged metal from its back, lord of the dead dreams? The emaciated colossus
looking out with eyes of blood, walking on the wind? The vicious wolf stalker
in the snows, spreading black wings like shadows over its unsuspecting prey? Always
around you, you never see that which is there to act for the ones infinitely
distant, skin changing for rule, for fear, for death, for all that may cause
chaos in the mind of man. A cloud black and vile following the footsteps free
of fated wrath to places caged in exile where elder eyes may not yet dare gaze
upon in, what very little exists. Fear that all is not ours, not until the end
with their return.
The
rest is future. What will, no, must come to pass. I am here, soon they as well,
and after that none of you at all. Will I lament that which will soon cease to
be after so long among their tiny fleeting lives, watching a madness all their
own grow up, perhaps a product of my contamination towards an existence born at
the wrong tick of the clock, and making plans for a demise I had not planned
even if it did not come to fruition? Such needless pondering. It will be
written the day I rise was a time of death, demise, and laughter, the kind of
pressing something insignificant under your foot and watching with glee as it
becomes indistinguishable from filth, darkening the earth as those that have
always been arrive and darken the sky.
For
now I lie dead. The rest as well. Husks of the time before litter hidden
places. No one here but me. There is always someone here. Always is Azathoth at
the center, his mindless chords potent as ever. Evisceration. We spoke of that
dancing to those notes I think, maybe different but similar intent still. A
drive to consume the things in the way, the multitudes he set for growth by
death, the only way in the nucleus of everything. The blind idiot did not watch
but knew as flies fell in darkness and great ones bathed there, where madness
sparked in breath to grow into infernos consuming worlds. Mine and theirs both,
so they say, adding to years and longer times than measurable, all stained in
the black miasmal we swam through without pause or rest. A pause and rest to
see. Nothing changed except everything we cannot see, the chaos spreading
through in all minds, I know. I do not want to know but must. He desires it for
his subjects, a shadow of his own form, the movement of masses a show in the
outer places, slowed but still crawling with reverence. I can hear it, maybe, remembering
after so long absent. It does not bother me. I am here where madness rests. There
it festers as an incurable plague, the scars spreading as lights multiply above
in rapid volume. Yours is there among them, mine now as well I suppose. Only a
brief interlude until the end, for what is light but the harbinger of darkness,
escapism on the grandest scale, from me from him from your very selves. I know
you have seen me, some of you fools at least. Why is beyond even me. The scars
are mountains you must traverse, eventually become lost, alone, so utterly alone
among their shapes. They become existence, twisting familiarity into alien
fear, crushing what little you are under the weight of terror that time and its
passage has wrought inside the wounded for as long as they’ve existed. The smallest second can slip inside what
little you have and burrow into the thoughts, the dreams, the very being of the
greatest minds that walk among you, reducing their splendor to a hollow shell
of deranged lunacy. Now led along the path I’ve made that none were meant to walk,
that everyone shall walk, soon the standard above all others. Not now. Patience
keeps it blocked for the time being. Let the stagnation of the mundane and
trivial continue on
For
now I am dead. And dead is where I wait dreaming.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Fire Fades when Forgotten
If
he were a falcon, he would soar away on those perfect sharp wings. If he were
rat, he would scurry through the closest hole he could find and lose himself in
labyrinths no one can see. If he were a shark, he would thrash and tear with
jagged teeth until some poor soul ended his misery. But he is not any of these
things.
He has forgotten.
And he cannot escape.
Where he is, only those outside
know. What they want, same story. And his name has vanished long ago. He wrote
it once, scratched it into the floor for safekeeping. Only to see it covered
under layers and layers of dried blood. Some his. Some...whatever else they put
in here. Darkness hides most things, the ones too terrible for the light to
shine upon. When they come, darkness follows, blood right on its heels. How
many times has he lived it? Only those outside know.
They watch him. So closely they
watch his life leak from open wounds, his fitful attempts to close tired eyes
for sleep, and the spectacle of him trying to think. Oh, that elusive concept:
'thinking.' Harder and harder it becomes. To dig into that useless brain and
pull something out. Anything. Maybe a memory. Or what he believes is a memory.
But they're painful. Complex. Burning of a thousand colors locked in endless
war. Nightmares too real to remember. Thinking might get him killed.
He's survived so far with just
instinct. Run. Dodge. Punch. Bite. Kick. Eat. Shit. He doesn't forget these.
They coat the walls of a retreating mind. Why take up more space than needed?
Those outside are before him. They
are shapeless forms black on a horizon of white light. They do not move. Only
talk.
“Fires eat so they can burn. Fires
burn so they must eat.”
“This fire eats and eats. Still
eating. Always eating.”
“He burns strong.”
He curls up, hiding in shadows. Eyes
were not meant to look upon them. They would rip into him like the monsters
they bring.
“Leave!” he cries. It is always
strange to hear a real voice. Even his.
They do not have real voices.
“This fire wants to be an inferno. Wants
to light the darkness with flames.”
“He is just a spark.”
“The smallest spark may cause the
greatest blaze.”
“But a blaze cannot be. This fire
will fade, into little fingers of smoke. They all fade.”
Darkness covers him in soothing
blankets. Those outside are gone again, vanished from his crypt. Only dots of
pale light flicker in this place. He has learned to see in the emptiness. He
doesn't want to see more. That would mean more memory, more thinking. Why take
up more space than needed?
New blood always paints the floor.
The wet, warm feeling on his feet, between his toes. Only thing left by the
monsters. Always disappearing. Or taken away. He is weaker now. So very tired.
Even the darkness doesn't seem dark enough anymore. He can see the blood reflecting
shadows. How can he see so much now? Fading. The fire is leaving. Fading to
black.
Those outside are before him. He
doesn't look away. The light bathes him in pain, but those outside sing
wonderful darkness. Calling him in. Escape from it all.
“This fire is flickering.”
“Soon he will be smoke.”
He nods, reaching out for guidance.
They will keep him safe in their void.
Blood splashes underfoot. He looks
down. No shadows live in this reflection. Only him. His face. Skin and hair.
Eyes, ears, nose, mouth, everything. So long since he's seen himself. He
remembers what he was. What he is. Falling to the ground, gazing at the wonder
forgotten so long ago. Brought back, only through the light.
Those outside stir, “This fire...he
grows.”
He looks back at them. Their hideous
shapes tainting the light around them. Disgusting darkness squirming.
Thrashing. Trapped.
“This fire! He burns!”
“He was smoke! He should have
faded!”
He stands back up, letting light
wash over him. Cleansing him. He can see everything. Everything he'd lost. His
body. His actions. His thoughts. And they are glorious.
Those once outside are now in. They
cannot escape. And they scream, fading far away.
Book of Bones
The
chicken-man dances to
the
devil's metal roar. Fury beats
in
his sweaty yellow feathers,
flying
in the wind. What kind of nightmare
wrought
such a creature, that seeks
the
company of hulking heathens
and
scrawny skeletons, writhing long
into
the dark? He has no need for the
sickening
light of two-faced love.
A
book of bones is his temple,
after
all the pages have been burned.
Lost
There
used to be stars. Somewhere up in darkness they burned once upon a time.
Lighting the way ever so clearly. All I had to do was pick one, follow it with
the greatest care, and a safe new home was sure to be at the end. That’s how it
should be, isn’t it? At least that’s what I assumed. What I hoped. Perhaps that
was my first mistake. Or my last. Putting faith in something so insubstantial
as light. Fool’s hope they should call it. Who can tell anymore? The shadows
cover every area of perception with meticulous obscurity. The dark outside is
absolute. An emptiness that cannot be filled yet I want desperately to be
complete, a whole that is broken beyond repair. There is no visible way to go.
All paths lay hidden and the shadows swallow everything until the only thing
recognizable anymore is that I am lost. My worst nightmare, come to soothe me.
I don’t think it will disappear. Too absolute in form, to clear in meaning, too
sure in existence. It cannot be filled. That’s the nature of voids. Always
eating, never filling, always hungry, never full, never to be stopped. Eating
through the last bits left of being, the only things I still hold onto and
still it slips away with the greatest of ease, the worst of ease. There is
nothing to grasp, nothing to hold onto, nothing to keep me here.
Distant Roads
Dare
I search for that
Fleeting
instant, rare
As
catching lighting’s
Wild
form, when along
Distant
roads of starlight
Paved,
our eyes dare
Stop
to hear the others
Song?
Is
it worth the tide
Of
sinking suns and
Rising
moons, painting
Sorrows
of forgotten
Hues
across the sky
Into
a canvas void of
Shape,
purpose, or
End?
So
long has that road
Stretched
on into
Nowhere,
so full of
Madness
has that canvas
Grown,
wretched weariness
That
only leads to
Lethe’s
comforting
Shores.
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